Jul 21 2004

Book Review: How to Win Millions Playing Slot Machines!

by Megan Edwards
How to Win Millions...

How to Win Millions Playing Slot Machines! …Or Lose Trying
by Frank Legato

Here’s a title to baffle if I ever saw one, even though it starts out clearly enough. “How to Win Millions Playing Slot Machines” sounds like the subject line of a spammy email message. But then there’s the “…Or Lose Trying.” What’s that supposed to mean? I’m actually supposed to be tempted to plunk down money for a book that promises …absolutely nothing?

Well, yeah. And now that I’ve read Frank Legato’s opus, I think I might even buy a couple more copies. Now that my eyes have been opened to the universe of slot machines, I can think of a friend or two who’d enjoy getting enlightened just as much as I did.

Thanks to Legato’s book, I now have an actual idea how slot machines came into existence, how they work, and even how to enjoy playing them. Not only that, but I was pretty much laughing the whole time I was learning about things like random number generators and virtual reel strips. That’s because Frank Legato isn’t able to write more than a couple of sentences without sticking in a tortured metaphor, peculiar digression, or old one-liner, all of which he does with a skill that should scare Dave Barry.

It may sound unlikely, but this book has changed my life. Never again will I be able to walk into a casino and just walk on past all the dinging, clanging, flashing machines. My eyes have been opened to the universe they represent, the different manufacturers, the “themes,” the “bonus games,” the “payback percentages.” In addition, I’ll be able to correctly pigeonhole all the “slot jockeys” feeding in money. Thanks to this book, I’ll recognize a Machine Hog (slotticus jerkus swinicus) when I see one, or a Cowpoke (slotticus jerkus yeehah) when I hear one. Now I can disregard popular slot machine myths, and laugh at silly superstitions! (Don’t tell me you actually believe there’s a switch the casinos can flip to make the machines cough out more money. There isn’t, and if you read the book, you’ll see why the mere idea of it is ridiculous.)

Other chapters in the book reveal the benefits of joining players clubs, how promotions and tournaments work, and why those “slot systems” so ubiquitously hawked on the Web are a giant waste of money. In sections called “Tales from the Road,” Legato takes his readers on a trip around the country to casinos, riverboats, and racetracks with gambling machines called “racinos.” His views about Las Vegas are excellent, well supported, and unrepentant. He likes Station Casinos. He hates the Fremont Street Experience.

Frank Legato is, without a doubt, the only person alive who could have written this book. Not only does he love playing slot machines, he is a recognized expert who has spent the last twenty years writing for a long list of gaming industry and players magazines. What are the odds you’d find another person with those credentials and also an engagingly warped sense of humor? Far less than hitting a jackpot on a slot machine at McCarran Airport, I can now say with complete confidence.

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