Dream On: My Top 5 Las Vegas Fantasies

by Eric James Miller

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

If what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, then surely every red-blooded tourist has a long list of Las Vegas fantasies either already accomplished or still on their list. I know I did, before I moved here. Sure, a long weekend locked in a Jacuzzi suite at the Bellagio with a suitcase full of accoutrements and the fawning adoration of Heather Graham and Adriana Lima might sound like fun, but after that, all the rest of the weekends in my life would probably be one crushing disappointment after another. So I’m making my Top 5 Las Vegas Fantasies more attainable, sustainable and realistic.

Fantasy No. 1: A UFO-themed casino/resort

Yes, I know Las Vegas doesn’t really need another mega-casino right now and that several planned casinos are already on hold. But come on! Area 51 is just up the road! Will Smith crashed a perfect prototype for a UFO-themed casino in “Independence Day,” and kids nearing gambling age have seen that movie a million times. We’ve got a pyramid. We’ve got a needle. We’ve got Caesars Palace. So why not have a giant, crashed UFO for a prominent building, engineering marvel and theme resort? Build it off-Strip for maximum viewing. Sadly, the M Resort passed on this perfect opportunity, so in my fantasy the Gold Coast, South Point or Fiesta Henderson would get the nod for alien remodeling. The annual Star Trek convention revenue alone makes this fantasy not so outlandish.

Fantasy No. 2: Connecting the monorail to the airport
This project would bring Las Vegas into the 21st century, making it a modern city of convenience, impressive to our well-heeled European visitors and other out-of-towners the moment they got off the plane. It would mean less exhaust pollution along the Strip and would free up taxi and limo drivers to purchase more fuel efficient cars and serve Clark County better – ultimately increasing their ridership and their income.

Fantasy No. 3: A statewide Nevada lottery

Nevada needs to institute a state lottery to help fund its schools. Alternative strategies have proven unviable: Raising casino taxes is political suicide, and increasing the state sales tax or instituting a state income tax would drive away the hearty new residents we need. Despite what casino mouthpieces might argue, a statewide lottery would not affect gambling revenue. In the first place, the two major casino corporations, Harrah’s and MGM Mirage, cater almost exclusively to out-of-towners. Their guests are not coming to Vegas to plunk down a dollar on a state lottery. Chances are, they have a lottery in their home state already. They’re coming to Vegas specifically because their state lotteries are not scratching their gambling itch! Casinos catering to locals wouldn’t be affected, either. Anyone who is compelled to sit at a slot machine, blackjack or craps table is not going to be satisfied with the cheap thrill of buying a lottery ticket once or twice a week.

Fantasy No. 4: Legalize Sin City
Mayor Oscar Goodman’s idea of legalizing and taxing prostitution in Clark County is a good one. It’s already going on everywhere else in the state – we all see the billboards – but most of us bury our heads in the sand about it. I say the city should profit from it. Legalizing prostitution would make everyone safer and free up our men in blue to combat real crime. Speaking of legalization, why not loosen up some on cannabis, too? Amsterdam does it, California allows medical uses – heck, even strait-laced Massachusetts just decriminalized possession of less than an ounce of marijuana. Instituting new marijuana policies would free up millions of tax dollars currently spent on capturing and prosecuting low risk criminals. Many economists agree that America’s No. 1 cash crop presents a vast, untapped tax base similar in size to alcohol and cigarettes. It would also prevent untold millions of dollars in cash from being exported out of the country. As long as people aren’t hurting other people, freedom to make personal choices is supposed to be a U.S. citizen’s right. In Sin City, it makes perfect marketing and economic sense.

Fantasy No. 5: High-speed rail to L.A.
This would be the biggest dream-come-true of all. A party train par excellence that not would only relieve congestion on Interstate 15 but also create thousands of permanent jobs. In my fantasy, the government’s right to eminent domain would be fairly exercised, and all that government-owned vacant land between here and San Bernadino would not be sold to any private investors before construction was approved – thus slashing the projected pork barrel price of $12 billion by probably 75 percent. Plus, giving the contractors incentives to finish the project on time, or even ahead of schedule, as Los Angeles did for reconstruction of highway ramps after the Northridge earthquake, would prevent unscrupulous firms from undertaking lengthy construction delays.

Maybe you think I shouldn’t be so quick to pass on hitting jackpots or the Heather and Adriana fantasy, but there you have it: my Top Five Vegas Fantasies. Feel free to shake your head, nod in agreement, make a comment, or dream up one or two fantasies of your own!

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