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Thursday, May 28, 2009

This year we saw a poll among women that sparked considerable controversy and outrage, both for the choice of responses and for the actual results of said poll. “Which would you rather be called: fat, or a Slut?” It seems that the majority of women preferred to be called a Slut, which resulted in moral outrage from pundits decrying eating disorders and our intolerant culture’s treatment of the obese, and whatnot.

Well… I’d like to respond to that. In the first place, the idea that being obese is a disease, or something to be defended as a goodness. Obesity is a growing and tremendous social burden in a purely monetary sense. Our swelling bellies are accompanied by diseases such as type 2 diabetes, diseases not known to our ancestors for the same reason that few Americans today are familiar with the concept of catching one’s literal death of cold. Worse yet, obesity carries with it a corresponding limitation to one’s fulfillment of life. To grow morbidly overweight is to voluntarily put oneself in the very selfsame wheelchair that a paraplegic, a quadraplegic, fights to escape through physical therapy. To deprive oneself of the joys of athletic pastimes with friends and family as endorphins and growth hormones pump through one’s veins, a natural high superior to any drug or drink. It’s not just the cost to society, but to yourself.

Try this little experiment. Get yourself a barbell, either at home or in the gym. However much excess weight you feel you are carrying around, slide that amount of weight onto the ends. Now do a snatch with the weight, and then a jump squat. Now repeat the motions without the barbell, with only your bare hands flung overhead. Feel how much easier the motion is, how much higher you jump? Now imagine if you could shed an equal amount of weight. How light you would feel! How easily you would move about! How much energy you would have throughout your day!

But what are the hidden costs of being a Slut? Well… let’s define what being a Slut actually is. In its modern and most commonly used sense (as opposed to “a serving woman” or “a female dog”), a Slut is “a person, especially a woman, considered sexualy promiscuous.” So… what’s wrong with that? Sluts are often called other names as well, but let’s define those terms as well, to see the difference between a Slut, and say… a skank. A skank would be someone who is especially filthy and vulgar. A teenager with a midriff baring outfit that reveals a slight paunch to go with a case of personal odor would be a skank, not a Slut. A whore would be a person who sells sexual favors in exchange for money. A tramp is a homeless vagrant. A bitch is a malicious, spiteful, and selfish person, usually female. But a Slut is merely someone who adores sex.

Hence the title of this week’s article. In Shakespeare’s day, to be called a Jew was to be considered the vilest form of insult. “Thou art a ravisher of women, and a brigand, and a Jew besides,” one might be told, only to counter with vitriolic rage, “I may be a ravisher and a brigand, but I am no Jew!” Indeed, Shakespeare satirized the anti-semitism of his own audience with “the Merchant of Venice,” in which “the evil Jew” receives his comuppance… only after we have been treated to a full recounting of his persecution at the hands of those around him. The court gleefully deprives him of his wealth and even his religion, all to save a man who borrowed money while admitting, “yes, I did spit on you in public, called you a dog and worse… and yes, I’ll do it again, next time I see you in the street. But I need the money.”

To be called a Jew was to be treated as an insult. Indeed, even today it crops its head in such forms as the expression “Jewing them down.” And yet I for one am proud of my Jewish heritage. My ancestors helped create western civilization. Even the man whom Christians regard as their messiah was Jewish, a carpenter’s son turned rabbi who called for a return to traditional Jewish morality in the face of secular hypocrisy and sin; the Last Supper was a Passover Seder. In more contemporary society, Jews have given the world Superman, the theory of relativity, sewing machines, and Google.

To be a Slut is also a wonderful thing. I am a Slut. That means I love sex. I adore it. I find it to be a wonderful and positive thing, that allows me to experience pleasure while giving the same to those I cherish. That is why I have capitalized the term throughout this article. It is why I capitalize the word in all my writings; a bold declaration to the world that I will not stand for anti-sexual puritanical hypocrisy. I will not knuckle under to the condemnation of the prudes, not when everyone truly prefers to be a Slut, with Sluts. I urge all of you who read this to reply and add a similar declaration in kind. Tell all the world that you are proud to be… a Slut.

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