OK Gang, Let’s Ease Those Tensions…

Covid tension got you down?

I am a bit embarrassed. The internet Gods have not put a stop to me. After all, in my writing, I tackle incendiary topics such as the man who invented foulproof cups and chihuahua wrestling, topics that are the stuff of empty-headed Republicans (and Democrats) who should have fancier fare to occupy their time.

If the truth be known, should I suddenly be asked to disappear from the Internet, I would make such a fuss that I might be interviewed on cable…in prime time, of course.

Am I as cute as that young Congreswoman — oops sorry, Congressperson — from New York? Not quite, but I am as cute as those elderly men and women who seem to be in charge of our lives these days. You know, when I was younger and looked at my grandparents, I couldn’t imagine them running the country. Yes, they were kind and gave me coins sometime, but running the country? I misjudged the whole bunch.

As a civilian and a censored writer, what would I do if I were de-columned? I know, I could become a tension easer. We’re told massive tension easing is in demand these days.

As an easer, I would recommend white and dark chocolate (I’m inclusive) for everyone who’s tense, and I’d give all the women (and some men) hour-long massages from those half-naked guys who have shows on the Strip.

Laughter is great medicine, so I would insist that instead of politics, non-stop Honeymooner skits would be showing on CNBC and old Bob Newhart specials would be playing on Fox.

Everyone’s naps would be long and filled with dreams of favorite movie stars lusting after them. All our lost relatives (those we liked) and rainbow bridge pets would be in the dreams, loving us as well. Whenever we’d wake up, we’d always fix perfect French Toast to start the day.

In times of need, money would, of course, grow on trees.

(Personal quirk) While out and about, we’d never go into public washrooms and see someone else’s toilet seat cover still on the toilet seat. Passing a course on toilet-seat-cover etiquette would be required before all graduations.

Dogs who make interesting sighs and mini-barks when sleeping, would be able to tell us their dreams.

Magazines would return to waiting rooms.

Say the secret word and cardboard boxes would self-collapse; no knives, scissors or muscles required for re-cycling.

Acid indigestion would always attack in private.

When we order products online, we wouldn’t see sudden numerous ads on Facebook for the same product.

A new phone button would forward all spam calls to George Clooney; maybe HE could do something.

God would outlaw all wheezing and all flus as well.

Lollypops would be given to everyone who gets a vaccine shot.

All 70-year-old bosoms would rise.

All 70-year-old men would be granted one wish.

And by the way, although I always want to find humor in situations, I do believe censorship itself is wrong whoever is doing it. Most of us can judge bullshit when we hear it — no censorship required.


6 responses on “OK Gang, Let’s Ease Those Tensions…

  1. As moderator of more than a dozen different web sites, moderating poor behavior which some have called censorship, is part of my daily life. I prefer to think of it as editing/moderating and there has never been more of a need of it now — than anytime I can think of.


  2. Agreed. What I was talking about was removing social media sites. I, too, remove comments from my YouTube films if they were written just to annoy and had nothing to do with the film.

  3. Nowhere in your article did you state what you were referring to.

    Social media accounts are proprietary and all content posted therein is 100% owned by the company that provides the platform. All of the sites that we own and manage have social media platforms and I have cancelled and removed scores of user accounts over the years. I fully support the actions of Facebook, Twitter and other such platforms for removing user accounts by those who defy the operating agreements of the various social media platforms. There is no legal or implied expectation of first amendment protection of anyone’s use social media platforms. These are private companies and they are fully within their rights to remove any such “bad actors” who are using their platforms. By legal definition this is not censorship and I respectively reject your argument that the corporate decisions to manage content on their private sites infringes anyone’s right of free expression.


  4. OK,so you and I disagree! I, frankly, don’t want to read about any politics on Facebook. If the company had that standard, I would eagerly endorse it. However, right now….

  5. Thanks for the education, Mark. I understood and agreed with most of it but came away feeling totally helpless to freely communicate with anyone else via any internet site on any topic for fear that anyone else who attached their own interpretation and was empowered to quash or delete because they had differences of opinion with my views or even simply didn’t like me, could silence me without recourse. In my simplistic opinion, there is way too much subjective “interpretation” (and improvisation) of people’s expressions today. As we all know from verbal communications with friends AND strangers, anything we might say is open to widely varying interpretation and reconstruction “seven ways from Sunday” or however the saying goes. Something said in jest or hyperbole will amuse and delight, or alternatively disgust, infuriate or enrage. Sound familiar? Obviously censorship is at best the proverbial “can of worms” and at worst… My final thought: If these social media or other internet media platforms have such power, why don’t they locate and shut down the infamous “dark web” that promulgates and delivers so much more damage to so many people’s lives??? Apparently we are in sore need of the “tension easer” career person you offered to become, Diane!

  6. Social Media companies don’t control the “dark web” any more than anyone can control the “Internet.” And shutting down the “dark web” isn’t remotely possible, unless one could somehow shut down millions of computers all over the world. The way it works, it is very possible that your own computer is handling some of the processing of the “dark web.” Web browsers like Chrome, IE, Firefox etc. don’t access the “dark web” but anyone with a modicum of coding skill can reach it.

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